Here are the top 5 quarterbacks who play football in Ohio:

I hate my Reds.

Holy shit, that Bob Odenkirk line hit like a ton of bricks. I was even expecting it, having read this.

I played this game last season. I was so torn between Everton and Tottenham. Since, as you know Tottenham had a tremendous season last year and Harry Kane is a truly electrifying player to watch, I clearly picked Everton because I hate myself and love mediocrity.

Bring this guy your drugs. It’s totally for charity. We swear.

My older sister and I had a stay at home mother, we’re both friendly, well adjusted, hardworking people. My little brother did not have a stay at home mother, he’s a freeloading little leech with no social skills.

Butler isn’t on the list, so I can’t finish my T-25

Smoke weed, do yoga and go broke...

This. I went to the two Reds losses this weekend, because I’m a Reds fan and that’s what we do. But on Friday I noticed that seemingly NO ONE was there to watch the Rockies. It was, more of something to do before they hit the bars. It’s insane.

What? This dude has been clammoring for a trade for a while. I seem to recall last year he said something to the effect of, we have to win a pennent or I’m out of here. Don’t bitch and moan about wanting a trade then get indignant when you get traded. Especially to arguably the best offense in the AL.

Having Reds fan flash backs to the 90’s and 00’s when we routinely traded away the best players on our team for minor leauge prospects. It’s been working out so well, I’m glad we started this plan of attack again. I like Castellini and Jockety, but that Homer Bailey dick up is starting to look like the kind of thing…

I need new coil springs, both have cracks in the pig tails, might as well do the struts while I’m in there...ZERO motivation to do this project.

Bols Triple Sec is fine, and cheap, don’t fret.

Is it too much to ask for a “this is the shit you need to buy” list?

Just so we’re all clear. Pitt is not, in fact, a Big Ten school.

They opened a dip shop in Indianapolis about a year or more ago. Best day of my 13 years in Indy.

How did you miss Slow Ride?

As a driver who would never be described as “calm behind the wheel” so much this. I live in Denver which is currently a giant experiment of how driving works out when you put people from all 50 states in one place and see how their shitty driving habits coalesce. The result isn’t good. You didn’t even mention the…

...and bandwagon fans crying?

You forgot about people who chuck their bag in the first compartment then wander to the back or middle of the plane. Those bins are specifically designed to hold 3 carry on acceptable bags, and I’ll-be-damned if there isn’t one compartment over every three seats. It’s like they thought of it or something.