How come ‘directions to the library’ is like the second thing they teach you in every foreign language class? Slow your roll, man! I’m still illiterate over here.

Okay, so the videos are in Italian. As someone who took French in high school (which is very close to Italian), I can tell you that the umpire is not saying “I like to play sports with my brother” or “I would like to go to the store.”

Obligatory, any time sex Halloween costumes are mentioned:

I’m not the only one who read that in Stallone’s voice, right?

Duh - the worst tweet ever is this one:

I’m glad I’ve never heard of any of those people.

You’re not alone, friend

I know I’m in the minority for this, but I legit enjoy “Let’s Go to Prison”

The fucking was IN THE ROOM THE ENTIRE TIME!

Just for the record, one of his opponents recently set up a billboard telling people to “Say No to Mass Immigration,” and has repeatedly posed for pictures with racist groups and a Holocaust denier.

Not my own, but one I witnessed.

Less of a prank, more the best lie I ever told: My fiancé’s friend M. was a magazine publisher. Flashy, smart, nice guy but a bit up himself. At a party he said he’d been watching an ad for Riverdance - “Why don’t Irish people move their arms while dancing?”, he asked.

Buckle up.

Our college dining hall had several rooms separated by dividers that left a gap of two feet or so before the ceiling. A group of us staged three puppet show performances utilizing this gap as a stage and silverware as the players.

The first “show” was an incoherent spur-of-the-moment improvisation. The
second and third…

I was subbing at a jr high last year and would poop in a student bathroom on a quiet side of the building during class. This particular day some girls came in after me and didn’t know I was in the last stall. They were wasting time in there and started playing “Bloody Mary.” At this point there was no graceful way for…

I used to work in a serious place filled to the gills with engineers. I’m one as well, and though I am typically sweet, helpful, kind, there is a certain breed of braggart that brings out my worst. There was one such individual at my work place, and he was very fond of talking down to colleagues (especially women!),…

So in late January this year, my husband and I decided to play the odds with unprotected lovemaking. When Valentine’s Day rolled around, I started sweating the decision, so that morning, I decided to pop into a drug store for a pregnancy test even though I was only a day late. I was in a cold sweat all the way to work.

So there are these little firecracker things where when you pull both strings, the squib goes off with a loud popping sound that can be startling if you aren’t expecting it.