I’m considering a job at Fox News. I used to be a Booker but have been out of work for 5-6 months now, and they’re one of the only places that called back.

I have a feeling I could get it, but I don’t know if it’d be worth “selling my soul” so to speak. I allign with the left on everything, and I’m sure not everyone…

There must be an entire subculture about the robot. Frat guys probably get drunk and shit on the street for the robot to pick up, YouTube channels dedicated to the messiest cleanups, people who fuck up the sole of their shoe not because they stepped in dog shit but because they stepped on a dirty dog shit robot they…

I went to lunch with my friends, a married pregnant couple, who were going to an Elizabeth Warren speaking event right after. They’re not fundamentalists or anything, but said they were glad as a family they would get to see the first woman president speak live, and they were confident she’d beat Trump in 2020. It was…

There’s something that’s just so raw and traumatic about being laughed at. That’s why the nightmare about standing in front of your classmates without any clothes on is such a trope. Our society (mostly) allows for us now to not have to worry about physically fighting each other for shelter and food and things like we…

middle aged generally means you look too old to be young, but too young to be old. So for some people that could be 35, others could be 60.

**Insert joke about guy getting his tongue cut off in Dodger parking lot/woman not being able to speak her mind with T-shirt**

Los Angeles is a very left-leaning diverse city, and Dodger fans themselves are very diverse, primarily Latinx/Hispanic, but still with a strong fan base across all ethnicities, nationalities,…

Dudes like my older brother: Mid-to-late twenties/early-30s, not so much fans of the geeky stuff but like him for @Midnight and Singled Out. In fact, I’d argue that his fanbase was less the nerds and more among the Warped Tour crowd who graduated high school in the 90s/2000s, spend their friday nights at Chili’s happy…

Sportsball!

Guys, how did Hazel write this article?

I’ll tell you....she wrote it with a Hazel....
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....Stylus! A Hazel Stylus!

Cilis! Stylus! Hazel Stylus!

And we’ll wear them at the middle aged Warp Tours they throw to try and get our nostalgia dollar.

Because SEXISM!

Laughter is weird, but have you ever considered how much weirder clapping/applause is? We’re literally smashing our hands back and forth to make a sound to show approval for something. And it’s even weirder on a larger scale like at a big crowd at a broadway show, how we all just kind of buy into there being a proper…

More ways to improve the Oscars

1. Have a wheely-robot type thing with an iPad like from Arrested Development where people skype in and trade turns asking celebrities questions.

2. Have a live 360/VR experience through the eyes of an Oscar seatfiller.

3. Livestream the men’s bathroom to get a glimpse of the funny banter…

There’s a decent amount of murder and intrigue, but in-between that is lots and lots of talkign heads. Kind of goes off the rails after season 2, like they just didn’t know what to do anymore. 

I dunno. I think Robin Wright is great and all, but what propelled the show was literally Frank Underwood and wondering if/how his past murders and misdeeds would come back to haunt him. That was the whole reason you watched, kind of like wanting to see who comes out on top with Walt vs. Hank in Breaking Bad. I guess…

I used to report on viral things and one of them was the Holderness family, an east coast clan who did sing-a-longs and put funny remixes on popular tracks. I’m pretty sure that’s how they made at least some of their money, they live in a nice house and the dad must have a high-earning job outside of it, but the kids…

This is what I never got, or what purpose these supposed arms dealers would have for them. How would they know how to dinos for what they wanted to do? If they’re arms dealers or criminals, are they going to use the dinos to commit crimes like rob banks and stuff? How would that even work? Or if you put them into…