Jozy’s most clinical finish in years.

Nothing about Shane McMahon being a goddamn madman?

How do you not have a backup plan for if the computers are down? I guess people used magic to get into events before wifi was invented.

I’ll not have you speak of El Guapo that way, sir.

“Sir, if you’d just not play third base, I’d be happy to treat you to a garbage bag full of popcorn.”

Eh, I don’t think it was a bad year at the plate for him, judging by his waist size.

You must not have had the displeasure of reading Shank’s word vomit. Making that complaint about the Patriots sounds exactly like a column he would write.

I enjoy the fact that this scenario was created entirely for the benefit of Mr. Kite.

So sad. Garry Shandling and Larry Sanders in the same day. Prayers.

Conan is really good at these. His Bowie tribute was also awesome.

“Mitchell & Ness, this is Rickey, calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to purchase a Rickey jersey.”

“There. NOW, this sport that pays millions of dollars to 320 pound supermen to run full speed at each other in an attempt to stop the other, will finally be safe.
We’ve done it!”

You know you are getting old when you attempt this at the county fair to impress your unimpressed girlfriend and then you can’t comb your hair the next day. #RotatorCuffsMatter

“With the 29th pick in the 2016 NBA draft, Gregg Popovich personally selects Taurean Prince, Baylor.”

The 5-11 2015 Ravens. That a good enough joke?

Still salty from the playoff game I see. Belichick is not only renting space in Harbaugh’s head, he’s rearranged the furniture and painted the walls in Patriots colors.

Photoshop him in there!

I’m pretty excited about this move for the Pats, although rumors now abound that Amendola’s on his way out to free up more cap space.

“We kill disco in Chicago.”