Humans are basically big squishy sacks filled with meat and organs. Sure we have some protections, but one swipe to the belly and we’re pretty much done.

You know what? Shut up. Undoubtedly, you’d be pissing your pants, tough guy.

Our bodies are not built to fight large cats. We have thin skin that doesn’t do a good job protecting our vitals from large claws and huge teeth. We’re good at problem solving and throwing things, and we’re built to do some physical things quite well, but fighting large cats and bears is not what we excel at.

Some dudes love the game. Got all your life to not play baseball. Might as well hold off from quitting the coolest thing you’ll ever do until they drag you away kicking and screaming.

Guns. Too many of them. Too easy access to them. Too many people keeping that access open.

They should only have one entrance/exit, and it should be controlled by armed guards to prevent anyone from entering or leaving without authorization. They should also eliminate windows, since those could be used as an access point. And perhaps the students should be able to earn “credits” at some kind of “commissary”…

The bullpen with the fourth-best ERA in baseball? What about it?

I don’t know how this became a “thing.” I don’t wear jerseys, but Jesus Christ, they’re going to a game and having fun. Get a fucking life, man.

Having ideals and being honest enough to admit when you’re failing to live up to them is a mark of self-reflection and examination, not “self-loathing” or “self-incrimination”.

I’d say having a thrice divorced, serial adulterer reality show host with a history of racism, sexual deviance, mocking the disabled, avoiding taxes and filing bankruptcy as President got us here.

I never thought Tiki Torches and Coolers would be caught up in political protests but here we are. How the fuck did we get here?

Drink whatever you want - but Dilly Dilly is dumb as fuck. People who think it is funny are terrible independent of their beer selection.

How fucking dumb do you have to be to buy into a marketing slogan from a piss beer company as something you should yell out as a catch phrase?

Being Black: If all else fails, simply stop being black. I’ve never seen anyone do it, but it’s worth a try.

It’s obviously implied throughout, but “being anywhere near a cop” probably deserves its own item.

I agree, putting out a children’s book that will raise thousands of dollars for charity and probably hasn’t actually hurt the sales of the original book at all is really a dick move.

“Hey who brought their kid? Ha ha ha”

It’s never too soon for Kevin Spacey, apparently.

Now the Zodiac Killer has no choice but to reveal himself in order to distance himself from Ted Cruz.