Blaine is a pain, and that is the truth.

Oh, hi, sure. Back through that door and down the hall, Jalopnik is the first door on the left.

Squirrels are rats with better PR.

Those fucking squirrels. I have one that figured out how to press the button on the bottom of a bird feeder, release it, and all the seed pours out.

Confident manipulative Guillermo is the best.

This was awesome.

At first glance I thought the Astro was just an iPad duct taped to a Roomba, but that would actually be more useful since it would keep the floor clean.

You guys want dangerous wild animals? Try this: the red fox squirrel.

With the exchange rate, they only have 26-43 feral hogs to worry about

yeah every once in a while i’ll fire up paradise but its just too dry. give me a remaster of takedown and i’ll throw money at it.

I still occasionally have dreams about the F1 races in Burnout 3: Takedown, sliding flawlessly into oncoming traffic at 200 mph.

They should do a gritty reboot set on a pirate ship.

That’s kind of my beef with the series in general in that it’s a great 90-second sugar rush (which is why it’s a great arcade series) but the complete lack of technique, content, and fairness stunt its longevity. My favorite arcade racing games like Burnout 3, NFS Hot Pursuit 1 & 2, and Beetle Adventure Racing get…

I am DeepBrood

I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
That Sam-I-am

Do you like
Gold on your steak?

I do not like that.
I do not like
Gold on my steak.

Would you like gold
Here or there?

I would not like gold
Here or there.
I would not like gold
Anywhere.
I do not like
Gold on my chocolate coins.
I do not like gold o…

I’d be concerned about the temperatures keeping them in a car would expose them to.  I know they’re vacuum sealed, but still...

So is this steak cooked twice or do they just not sear it? Because either way that’s stupid, and I can’t imagine trying to sear a steak still inside gold leaf is going to accomplish anything other than steaming a steak.

And here I thought defense attorneys usually go for plea deals because cops are legally allowed to threaten and lie to the 80% of suspects who need a public defender, and the legal system is explicitly set up to deny people their constitutional right to a trial by overburdening, underfunding, and denying forensic lab…

I had really good mashed potatoes in a restaurant once and asked the server how they made them so good.  He just said “a little bit of salt, a little bit of pepper, and a whole lot of butter.”