I'm saving myself for widowhood!

This is as good a time as any to remind the world that a great American Hero plowed the helicopter from Airwolf good and proper: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/…

Anal penetration guidelines exist for safety reasons, but are rarely relevant outside of porn journalism. (not to be confused with metagonzo-journalism)

And not one of you FAKE NEWS cowards could be bothered to dysphemize the article? I want to read of the lightning that crackles within that all-American ouroboros Bannon! I want pictures! Pictures of Spiderman! pictures of rararghgaghrharagh *pounds desks into mouth-foamy splinters*

Ideally dead.

Huh! I only knew that as part of a Hank 3 song. Thanks!

It's one of my many Bad Opinions. I went in wanting to like it and still think it's a good premise, for what it's worth.

The score to Swiss Army Man was so bad that I stopped watching 15 minutes in because of it. Fuck your whimsy.

You're a modern day Proust.

The first meal after a colonoscopy is usually pretty great
(it's less great several hours later when you're still drug-woozy, have eaten an order and a half of Cinnabon IHOP pancakes, and haven't really processed the whole "you have Celiac Disease" thing yet)
but fuck me running if those pancakes weren't delicious.

Workplace comedy? Damn, I was hoping for some sort of genre-pastiche with frequent spirals into Lovecraftian horror.

The Waldo Moment: Full Circle Edition

I would have accepted "have shat their pantaloons" or "are shittin' their pantaloons," but this an unholy trifecta of grift, mixed-verb tense, and malignant hillbillyism.

You could take that idea and make a coop puzzle game out of it, if absorbing enough bullets/damage causes the person being used as a shield to revive.

If you haven't already listened to them, Renaldo And The Loaf and Snakefinger are also really good. Best way I can think to describe them is Residents-adjacent.

…I'm not sure. Huh.

When I think of Gov. Brownback, I think of a man standing on his head and taking a shit. Specifically, Gov. Brownback.

I can kill other people with priapism, but it's exhausting and risks fracture.

Aren't men with erectile dysfunction already, um, belittled?

Zombies need healthcare like Republicans need brains, in the sense that if they had it, all of this could be prevented.