Connick’s right about the intonality but damn, he can actually play guitar! Nice.

Nnnnnnope, me neither. ps cool man bun, guy

I’m expecting a child right now, and I’m really looking forward to describing it as “the mascot of our lives.”

“Oh don’t worry about it honey, just press my balls and then we’re safe.”

NOTHING COULD GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN

I can already turn my sperm flow on and off

“would absolutely make Ryan Lochte my hut slut”

What if every single other person who works for the show is non-white and they just want one token honky? That’s....technically possible.

pro tip: if you have a VCR or whatever, you can watch it naked and drunk EVERY night.

Please, please, please find someone who’s doing the $800 TGI Friday’s champagne service and interview them. I’m so curious about...them.

The Best Things I Read Of The Best Things Jezebel Read

There’s nothing better than forcing dogs to wear boots

this is the best post that has ever appeared anywhere

Well, I mean, you got me to look up “tardigrade.”

That’s on my list for next year! I hear great stuff.

Yes! You are correct!

Hey, you have awesome taste in books - if you’re on Goodreads (and you feel like it) look me up. I’m...oh, look at fancy me, I’m the guy with the first review for Love in Excess (the competition isn’t stiff), my name is Alex.

Oh, homie. You need a hug. *whispering* She’s not...exactly my thing either. I respect what she’s up to but her books are very political and fairly talky.

Ha, wow, Eliza Haywood. Deep cut! I read Love in Excess just this year. Good stuff.

Nah. You pretty much get what LeGuin’s up to. It’s not a slow burner or a crazy plot twister or anything. She’s probably just not your thing.