psst - the author is using a pseudonym... her real name is Mewcaela Felinsky.

“Micaela Heck” is a weird name for a cat.

So is he now the flattest flat Earther?

I know it hasn’t been talked much, but it turns out they don’t have great owners interested in investing in editorial staffing.

“...against a rolling Stephen Strasburg...”

Adam Gase’s beard is the male coach’s equivalent of the Elizabeth Holmes voice, right? 

Sure, still, fuck the Yankees though.

Fans might take the game more seriously if it weren’t being called Snyder-Man: Homecoming

Scorpions are just part of living in Arizona, the wood pile in the back yard probably didn’t help but they’re native to Arizona and they’re everywhere in the Phoenix area.

If he’s anything like me, he doesn’t like being hugged because the feelings of emotional and physical proximity are simply overwhelming for him and it becomes a sort of sensory overload when there’s firm contact with another human being.

Looks like Peterson finally learned not to go for the switch.

Baseball is littered with players who were among the best of their generation who either choked often in the playoffs, or - more of these - rarely if ever made them.

There was an old saying about the Braves and their pitching staff whenever the playoffs rolled around in the 90's.

there’s no easy way out

My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw him pass out at the game last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.

I trust you, as you are a Legit News Outlet.

You ok bud?

FALK: “They’re chanting my name!”

The refs gave Byfuglien 2 minutes for tripping and cemented their first round assignments for the 2020 playoffs.

I shall invent a device that alerts Dolphins fans when they are being erroneously charged for purchases. It will emit a Dolphin-call shriek if a skimmer is used to rack up a fraudulent charge. I will call it “the Miami Sound Machine.”