Sadly this wasn’t the alternate timeline where the quake of ‘89 swallowed up Tim McCarver right in front of POTUS Al Michaels.

“If a major 8+ Richter Scale earthquake hit the Bay Area an hour before SB 50, does the game go on? What if it’s at kickoff, halftime or whenever?”

Adam Schefter appears every Monday afternoon on the local ESPN affiliate in Albany, NY (104.5). Today, when asked by one of the co-hosts to give him something to be excited for in this game, Schefter summed it up by saying, “Well, it’s football.”

You say crappy game. I say historically great sitcom pilot.

The only thing they haven’t tried is the “Come See What Call The Refs Fuck Up This Week” angle.

Is this game the Philadelphia 76ers of football broadcasts, or are the Sixers the Browns-Ravens MNF game of basketball teams?

Their twitter account reads like Nihilist Arby’s

I’d actually like to go back to Guacamole whenever possible, it’s delicious there.

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

Garlic ice cream + avocado ice cream + sun-dried tomato ice cream = HOLY SHIT, FROZEN SALSA!

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

I can't tell if these stories warmed my icy cold heart or chilled my raging hot anger.

This lovely man came in every day, I burned his bread, and he left a $5.00 tip on a $4.00 meal. One time, he heard me (quietly, I swear) talking to another waitress about how I couldn’t afford to have my other cat spayed yet, and when he left, I found $100.00 under the cup for my cat.

Can’t blame LeTV - I just hate it when my Dong won’t wake up.

I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re not his doctor, sailboatprojector, or this would definitely be considered a HIPAA violation.

The leg bone is connected to the .... kidney bone?

Unbelievable that the #1 WR from both teams is out for the season with a leg injury. What are the odds?