I am not a “car person” but that is, perhaps, the most beautiful automobile I have ever seen. I’ll take two in black.

I hate phonics addicts so much. Breaking into libraries for a fix . . . always pressuring their peers with “come on man, one little syllable isn’t going to hurt you.”

Recipient of the 2015 “most creative way to start a forest fire” award.

I agree. I like my steak medium rare, but with no pink.

not only does this ‘bot really look like a person

Sorry we were on your lawn. We’ll get off now.

At first I was all like “EIGHT GRAND!?” but then I saw it could hold an entire six pack.

I could hook this up to my Scooty Puff Jr. and watch Real Housewives while I’m at the Wal-Mart.

Then AT&T are liable for allowing people to spread slanderous gossip over the phone.

You can be my wingman anytime, InsertBullets.

Seems legit.

Ahh Foo Fighters. Wasn’t that one guy in a real band once?

It is possible to be a cool Canadian Jew.

I meant “music” not “self-congratulatory schlock.”

I’d have to do as much coke as Bublé in order to make it through more than a whole song without shooting myself.

Sebadoh called and they want their discordant mess back.

I’m a big fan of the BeeGees.

I’ve never heard of them because I like to frequent places where people take showers.

Sure! I’m sure I have a cassette tape here somewhere.