As my dad often says, we put the "fun" in dysFUNctional.

Dingleberries is a great word for them. My extended family is mostly okay as well. My mom's family is almost all in Europe, so they're all put away quite nicely (they're all pretty okay regardless.) My dad's side has some dingleberries. Mostly falling on the entitled asshole side of dingleberries but dingleberries…

I posted this earlier but between this story, the woman who had sex with her dad, and the crappy wedding invite parents, I'm just so very happy that my parents are awesome. Or at least aren't crazy.

u comfy there in ur armchair bro?

They need a restraining order or security at the wedding or whatever they can get reasonably. If the grandfather is afraid his son will show up and fuck everything over, including be there to hold it over poor Grandpa's head that he *walked his granddaughter down the aisle*, they need someone at the door to say "no,…

I'm really glad I like my parents.

No kidding- When I was touring with the comedy show, you wouldn't believe how many times we would show up to the club to drop off equipment before heading to the hotel and have them say:

I'm a married straight guy, by the way. How about "I know you're trying but this isn't going to happen tonight and its starting to hurt. Let's figure out a better way and try it again in a couple of days. I love/like/lust you, but You trying to humpstart a Harley isn't doing the trick. Here is what I think would…

That I'm not just a dog on the Internet.

Are you under the impression that rape on campus is rare, inevitably treated with the utmost consideration to the victim, and prosecuted to the full extent of the law?

Um. Can you not be raping me with the truth please? It hurts my braingina.

"St. Paul Cop Succeeds Where Nazis Failed"

Hey guess what, I'm a vet, and I served with ALL KINDS of douchebags. You must be one of those right-wingers that think we want and/or need people like you kissing our asses all the time and serenading us with Toby Keith while throwing "Support Our Troops" magnets at us. We don't. We are not that stupid and don't…

Translations:

I beg to differ.

See, that's where I just can't complain about the fuckin' with people's food stories, in the end. It is absolutely common knowledge that people can and will spit in your food, or worse. This is why food tasters for nobles have been employed for...forever, cause you don't know what happens in the kitchen. Why would you…

In five years, I never once tampered with a customer's food in any way. Not once. But goddamn if I didn't want to, and I'm willing to enjoy good stories from people who did.

The upside is that, if anyone has ever deserved a shitty tip, it's you!

A Messed With Food posting would straight up wear out ALL of the fainting couches.

Those ungrateful Poors. Obviously wasting money they clearly don't deserve.