Did you type this using your elbows, you fucking yokel?

No, I’m pretty comfortable doing exactly that, Donnie. And it’s not just A Video Game, it’s 7 of them! Pretty easy to spend a lot of time on seven different video games over 20 years.

So wait, you, the employee of Jalopnik and writer of this story, and ostensible adult in the room here, suggested that a new oval racing series could make for exciting watching, then you get shitty with me, a random goober in the comments for thinking Nascar, the currently preeminent oval racing series, isn’t that…

The thing I had no answer for was how could someone’s life be so devoid of meaning that they’d care about watching a high-speed hillbilly traffic jam in cars mostly differentiated by the shape of the headlight stickers and invested in the made-up soap opera of the driver’s lives while they hoot and jibber whenever…

We saw an old Nascar in person, and my wife was asking about them, and apparently had no idea that’s how the cars worked. She was absolutely astonished anybody watched or gave a shit about several dozen of the same car going roundy-round for an entire afternoon. I had no answers.

When the show was at it’s best, it felt off-the-cuff. At it’s worst, it could feel like a celebrity being forced to do a PSA as part of a plea bargain for peeping. So I’ll be charitable and say that he could just see the seams a little more than usual.

Considering how many out-of-state-plates you see at Chicago impound yards, plenty of people in the United States don’t understand that most major cities sponsor car thieves so long as they cut them in.

Because the “Jeremy Clarkson” character is a funny asshole when he’s on tv, and an unbearable asshole when you deal with one in real life, and Jeremy Clarkson the person is for the most part a bitchy tiresome asshole.

Yes, we understand you’ve never encountered true hardship in your life. We get it. You have a friend with multiple boats! That’s pretty stupid.

I’ve got Spotify and the Blued-Teeth, and I’ve done that in the couple months Sirius didn’t believe me that will not pay a penny more than $60 a year. But it’s nice to hear stuff I wouldn’t necessarily pick, and hear what The Youths are up to these days.

When I bought a GTI in 2018, it was neat that I could roll the windows up and down with my phone for the first 6 months, but you’d need to be smoking big rocks to think I’ll pay $17 a month for it.

When scumfuck companies steal from poor people until it becomes our responsibility to feed the poor people, they’re stealing from me too and I take that personally.

Let me translate for you what you sound like to people who have been in worse financial spots than you: “Fuck ‘em, it’s their fault for being too stupid to not just buy money cheaper somewhere else, lazy assholes”

I understand the appeal of real-world tracks, and that Polyphony wants GT to be a legitimate path to racing real cars.... but also I’ll pay them $250 for a game where I can drive my GTI on the moon and boost an Escudo until it can do a loopty-loop. I want more fake tracks, and to do cartoon driving using real-world…

Midfield was my check-this-new-mod track, and on my deathbed I’ll still be able to lap it blindfolded. Easily 5000-plus laps.

I will go to bat for a freshly-made Whopper by an employee who isn’t fed the fuck up with working at BK as the best burger of the big chains. The problem is that this might be 3% of the Whoppers I’ve ever had, and McD’s and Wendy’s are simply more predictable, and mediocre Wendy’s beats mediocre anybody else.

Nintendo has barracks full of lawyers with rabies who deploy at a moment’s notice whenever there’s a fan-made game or tribute project, and they can’t find a way to stop or threaten into submission a hacker paralyzing a mainline fucking Pokemon game? That makes no sense to me.

I personally think any site that has reviews needs to get on top of this nonsense simply because it’s going to quickly become meaningless whether a thing is good or not, and no one will ever take them seriously again.

*ahem*

*ahem*

Currently watching Trigun because I missed it back in the day. I’ve heard it gets better, but hokey-pete the panty-sniffing fawning creeper-peeper they play Vash as in the first couple episodes has aged like fine milk.