God invented doggystyle so Canadians would have something to do while they watched hockey...???? Not sure. I am aaskin@!

"The size of his guilt." That is awesome. You should write novels and win Nobel Prizes. I love you.

Yargh!

Would you like friesssssssssss with that?

They say I died. They say it is a mystery. I live:

That is disgusting! SO gross. Eating at McDonalds...

Best ketchup holder at McD's = cup lids. Just fill up a plastic lid with Ketchup and go to town. Don't worry about those little paper cups.

How is this not the funniest thing you have seen all week?

Driving on the Beltway is still worse than this. I would rather have my mistakes corrected by a Russian man with an assault rifle than ever get on the beltway again. And I mean ALL of the beltway. #NEVERAGAIN #ALLBELTWAYS

I wish the Pope would issue a new Bull allowing crusading indulgences. You are right at the top of my list!

BREAKING! Supe's NEW suit revealed FIRST:

This does not work. I checked. I was born on the rhythm method of birth control and look how fucked up my parents are now. I was the first baby. It went downhill from there. I am a lawyer and I never call them. I am too busy!

Perfect amount = not getting fired for being late. Just stick to that.

Too late now!

I saw Fancy Ray. He used to come into the shop where I worked.

The more lonely and depressed they were the more likely they were to get involved in this stupid "science" survey. GLOBAL WARMING IS FAKE PEOPLE!

Things were great!

They still do those. If you want one we can hook you up. We recommend (we are all doctors) that 24 hours prior to surgery you listen to as much Fox Business News as you can in order to make sure you don't have anything left in your system.

Is that really funny? Who rescued the dog? In old-timey nature videos they would never interrupt the 'Circle-of-Life'

I'll take one too