I like where he just malfunctions and forgets to throw balls.

Yes, that’s exactly what they do. They also put in FOI requests on every single human being associated with an NCAA athletic department, from the head coaches all the way down to the laundry personnel. They then hire PIs when necessary.

Foster had seven stops and one H&R Block.

The Osteopathy school at MSU appears to be an entity separate from the School of Medicine. Which seems weird and duplicative to me, since MDs and DOs can practice interchangeably in the US. Makes one wonder how much of a loss it truly would be to MSU if they just shut the whole thing down.

Everything mentioned is outlandish and disgusting behavior, but:

When duke loses, we are all winners

In fairness, if Arizona had scored 22 more points, they would’ve won.

I saw the postgame interview with her. What a sweetheart, I hope I’m as awesome as she is when I’m pushing the century mark.

Holy goodness, we all need two scoops of Sister Jean these days. What a glorious lady.

Fittipaldi Slattery has a nice ring to it. Solid work.

Related note, I am incredibly jaded about the “every-time-a-person-dies-doing-something-risky-a-GoFundMe-gets-set-up-for-family” deal. These guys spent thousands of dollars climbing all over the world, and I’m sad they passed unexpectedly, but there is no fucking way I am donating money to get their kid through…

We could, but it may be easier and more fun to just attack all Seahawks fans.

Is this a most white white guy contest? Because I used to drink Zima.

It just sounds like Ballmer really wanted to meaningfully create meaning in a meaningful way. Not sure why you have to be so cynical, Emma.

* Schools don’t have to pay an extra cent if they don’t want to. Schools that attract the best athletes have boosters dying to pump money into the program.

They’re ways for universities, many of whom are in mid-sized cities without professional sports, to make money and, I don’t want to make you faint or anything, but Universities often engage in commercial enterprises.

Because it’s so lucrative and alums are suckers for things that make them feel good about their school? I think it’s fine as long as people are honest and treat it as marketing for the school. I don’t see people getting worked up when UPenn runs medical clinics in South Jersey.

For those who have and are planning to comment that this is a racism thing, remember Matt Jones. Yes, NFL execs are racist, but more than that, they’re just fucking dumb.

“It is a mashed potato sandwich with mayo on white bread,” Fred said

The parody becomes even more on-point when you learn he wasn’t paid for this.