Now THIS is how you apply for a job at the White House in 2018.

I’m starring you twice just to spite this snowflake motherfucker

Not sorry, especially since I got you so riled up.

Found the defensive MAGA asshole

My first thought was the logo looks like a robot handjob.

Am I the only one who figured she flushed some drugs down the toilet before attempting to Die Hard her way outta there? 

I’m going to be pissed if he comes out of the cave, sees his shadow, and gives us six more weeks of LeBronWatch.

All of this feels so insane to me that I keep having to lay it out and see if it starts to make any more sense, and it never does: Winston was allowed to maintain his innocence

Not proud of it, but I said what NEEDED to be said (and dammit it still feels real to me)!

Casein point.

I love cottage cheese with vinegar and some salt and pepper. I know it sounds weird, but it’s delicious. I like balsamic, but I also once got this pomegranate vinegar at homegoods that was very good on cottage cheese. 

Cottage cheese? No whey!

I’ve got bad news for you . . .

Lots of people are illogically protective of their fandoms because they can’t define themselves by any other means. There is a need to legitimize it and differentiate themselves from band wagoners or posers, hence “I liked them before they were popular”, “She’s a fake fan.” etc. 

Chef: MY MOM

The GOAT of GOATS is the Bilberry, and not just because it’s close to the name of the guy from REM.

And yet, ICE isn’t lifting a goddam finger to separate these parents from their kids.

The snack-bar franchise at that field must be a fucking gold mine.