Hahaha you had me at “affordable”. Canada’s expensive, man. No illegal immigrants doing all the work here.

Jim Toth has very nice handwriting for someone whose name is a British term for moron.

I can’t stop laughing while reading that damn list

NO SMILE
NO WHISPER
NO SING
ONLY ZUUL

I said this last week:

Would Anthony Bourdain go to a fashion show? Imagine him as a designer.

I was never a belly-stroker until I got pregnant, and now the habit has just stuck with me. I don’t do it often but it always feels like a solid act of self-love.

Jealous looks.

“Keep over low flame, season to taste.”

Amazing, you’ve performed the first step of Kundalini meditation successfully! Keep it up!

HELP MY EYES ROLLED SO FAR BACK IN MY HEAD THAT THEY WONT COME BACK WHAT DO I DO

I suggest you have a nice, relaxing glass of Harglefloxin and then light up a little Obamawort incense and then make yourself an artisinal bronze bowl of wombadulamatazingo.

Everytime i see this pic, i think her hat has a Canadian Tire logo on it and get hella confused.

To avoid copying the others, though, it’ll be a reskinned Wolfenstein with microtransactions.

“She’s really fucking busy” = “We didn’t even try because we can’t fucking afford her.”

Whitney hit high notes on and off the stage.

I used to have to work in a corset and that is exactly how it feels. Between the updo and the high pressure boob constraints, at the end of the night a person would be making noises like a lab getting a belly rub.

Walk in the house after work and greet the dog/take off bra/hair comes down in 20 seconds.

You know how if you wear a very tight, high ponytail all day, when you let it out it feels like someone just tried to scalp you? Her boobs must feel like that at the end of the night. #freebritney

It’s probably coming out of our taxes.