You think people still get watches?

Some people just want the horny fan fiction. They want that pure, sugary escapism. They don’t want to have to think about shitheads that will ruin their lives and don’t see anything beyond their nose as another human being.

Or this guy:

I agree to you and to what many people have said here. I don’t have a problem with actors wearing prosthetics to look more like a person they’re portraying, or to approach a look that’s intrinsic to a character. It’s not really different from aging makeup if an actor is playing a character who has to span several…

All that tech and no digital TMPS?

Actually, I think David is a Phylactery Lich and each of his Jeeps were containing a portion of his essence.

This is lovely, but it doesn’t really address the issues that the Government is gunning for with these investments.

Marketing?

“...we have concluded that we would be unable to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any individual committed any crime associated with Ms. Polanco’s demise...We will not be seeking any criminal charges related to this devastating event.”

How do you not save the title Bad Boys 4 Life until the fourth movie!?! Come on Hollywood get your shit together. 

Excuse me, but how could you leave this 90's one hit wonder of the list? It’s literally made for this.

Soon to be a movie starring Keanu Reeves as everyone.

Always Highlight Truthers.

How bad could a crotch punch really be from them? They clearly weren’t capable of striking a ball with any force whatsoever today.

Whatever, the fact of the matter is that no Raptors = no Raptors mascot = no inflatable Raptors mascot pratfalls, and no one in their right mind wants to live in a world where this never happened:

BUT IT’S THE LAND OF FIRE

I modestly propose that Jalopnik’s overlords find the bucks to purchase this business and then let the Jalopnik staff operate it. Hell. rename the brand Jalopnik - it fits the whole Eastern European vibe, anyway.