Hey, I liked it.

Actually no, fuck you.

Jerry Jones has now entered trade talks with the Reds.

I agree it does suck. I worked on PlayStation customer support before and because you’re on the phone, they don’t care what my name is but already assume my name is PlayStation and everything I say is representing the company. Everytime we got caught off guard we just had to use our own wits about defusing the company…

Aww, that's cute. Someone thinks Spurs won't choke away a CL spot.

I killed a mouse with a wrist shot once. It was basically my crowing achievement. Had my stick on the floor, he ran right into it and I one timed him straight into the wall.

I bet you’re a Texan intellectual, huh?

If there had just been one or two Houston fans exercising their second amendment rights in that stadium, they’ve shown those terrorists who’s boss and those savage beatdowns would have been stopped right away.

Welp! I am going to tell these folks what they tell us unarmed black men...”if you don’t wanna get fucked up listen to authority no matter how wrong, angry, un-trained, and stupid they are.” Yeah it sounds just as stupid when they tell us to do that with the Police.

Many, many years ago in my mis-spent yoot I was a rent-a-cop, but for a dfferent company. We were explecitly forbidden from any sort of physical confrontation with the public:

I did not and do not disobey my parents, so I’ve got nothing there. But I got caught having sex in my school’s library. Outside of a little pot smoking at like age 28, it’s the only illegal thing I’ve ever done, and it was by far the most embarrassing thing I’ve been caught doing. I really needed that library and was…

I grew up working at a flooring store that my dad managed. Once when I was 17, spent Friday night with some friends getting shitfaced at somebody’s house until 4 or 5 AM. Saturday about 9 AM, my dad calls and needs me to come in to work because 2 guys scheduled had laid out. I told him I wasn’t feeling well (truth)…

As a freshman, I got caught drinking vodka at school during an assembly/pep rally one time..me and a friend were taking turns sipping from a water bottle like idiots. Thinking we were being perfectly inconspicuous, I asked the girl next to me if she would like something to drink. The girl turned around and was…

You know for sure it’s an evolution, because no part of this design is intelligent.

38 to 38 is impossible

Stupid Americans. You ... can’t ... use ... your .. HANDS!

Laugh all you want but we have no idea what kind of information they were able to get from that deer or how many lives it saved because of it.

Guess you had to be there

This is the same man who cried about Tom Brady probably knowing that some footballs got fucked with.

When the tears mix with the Cheeto dust, things will get all goopy.