Right? It's like punishing your kid for playing with your gun...by shooting them.

That girl's probably gonna be right up on Lifehacker/Gizmodo, upgrading her privacy settings when she gets her social media accounts back (because of course she will).

If he's trying to ward off pedophiles, the bright pink shirt with her age on it and the Dora backpack are probably not working as intended.

I love the back: "5th grader."

Chances are she's already blown a 16 year old.

The TL;DR of every Drake song:

my fiancée has always been a big fan of Paul Rudd since his Clueless days, so she loves to think of the resemblance*

I can't help but wonder if this June person has planned to get back with this guy all along. She has probably always supported him, but just kept things quiet while he was serving time. Then he's out and she dumps her current partner, and is house hunting with him almost immediately. It seems to me that maybe it was…

Ew. No, thank you. Why is this happening?

Well, the number of REPORTED rapes say very little about the number of rapes committed and rape culture in the area. Actually, you could read more into a countys sexuall abuse history when rapes do not get reported. But you knew that, right? Educated as you are.

I know he's not the focus of the story, but i can't believe we have a story involving Adam Levine and no wacky descriptor which is one of the best parts of an Adam Levine story. I am disappoint.

welp, this just taught me that I have way fewer hangups about poop than your average person. I ... don't know what that says about me.

But I suggest carrying a tealight and matches in your purse / bag / pocket at all times for poopergencies. Lighting and then snuffing a match REALLY helps.

That's so interesting! Here, it's ten pictures of my dong.

This is like when your friend starts dating a total lame-o and you don't want to say anything because it will turn into this huge "thing" if they end up, like, getting married or whatever, but you're desperately trying to make a telepathic connection with her to let her know she's like 5 status points above him and…

Is it petty and mean-spirited of me to hope she tells stories making fun of him in public? I feel like she could tell some really funny, really cruel stories about Chris Martin if she so chose.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever NOT been boring.

How much are you willing to bet Goopy was involved in this breakup?

Maybe the guy was mad because she was not a meth chef?

If you go over to the sheriff's fb page you'll see that nobody seems to live in this county but meth chefs, and that this is kinda minor in the scheme of their general disintegration. Anytime you see this in the course of fb conversation, you know it's time to get your hat: "Shut the hell up April." That's never good.