My way of getting ready for the debates and the primary: just bought a large bottle of bourbon at the liquor store.

Alexandra Schwartz isn’t even 30, and she’s already more pretentious than David Brooks of the New York Times. Give her ten years, and she’ll be a George Will-level twit.

In my unbiased opinion, this is the timeliest article I’ve seen on Deadspin.

Evidently Mitch Albom isn’t familiar with the concept of “compensatory damages”.

That’s as grim a choice as that between Bud Light and Miller Lite.

Can’t blame him for retiring. He’s made millions, his resume is enough to get him into the Hall of Fame, he’s taken a beating on the field, and last but definitely not least, the franchise is in rebuilding mode*.

Help is on the way. Governor Snyder has decided to appoint an Emergency Manager for Rio.

Aren’t drug-smuggling rings, by definition, “international”?

Quick question. Which do you despise more, Sting or Bono?

One of the worst moments in the Schiavo fiasco was the congressional vote on the Schiavo bill (which conferred standing on Schiavo’s parents to go to court to keep her alive). Senate Democrats, who are among the most timorous creatures in the animal kingdom, were especially cowardly on this issue: They stayed out of…

The Schiavo case had so many villains, but the worst of the bunch was Father Frank Pavone of Priests for Life. I wish that Michael Schiavo had sued him and spent the rest of his life pursuing Father Pavone to the ends of the Earth with sheriffs bearing writs.

Obviously you have a pre-2013 Monopoly set. Hasbro retired the iron and replaced it with a cat.

Touche!

That Justin Bieber is rich and famous because he’s incredibly talented, not because of the enormous publicity machine behind him.

In related news, Larry Brown has resigned at SMU to coach the 2016 Catalonia Olympic basketball team. The deal is contingent on the country achieving independence and being accepted as a UN member state.

I’m not a bit surprised. I live in a neighborhood in which most adults have a four-year college degree, and I’ll still bet that a majority of my neighbors could name more American Idol judges than justices of the U.S. Supreme Court.

Second that. I’m working my way through How Star Wars Conquered the Universe and Lafayette in the Somewhat United States. Our library also has a good collection of movie and TV series DVDs. My wife and I binge-watched the Harry Potter series, and we’re working our way though the James Bond canon. Our tax dollars at…

I remember a Redskins at Cowboys game in the early 1970s at which the official number of no-shows was 4. To this day, I wonder why those fans didn’t make it to the stadium.

I went to an all-male Catholic high school in the 1960s. The entirety of our sex education was, “Don’t”. It probably won’t surprise you that a number of my classmates got their girlfriends pregnant soon after graduation.

I thought an ablootionist is someone who can wash me when I’m too lazy to do it myself.