Firewhiskey must be an active ingredient in them.

As a tribute to Alan Rickman, I’ll be having some Potions during tonight’s debate.

The spirit of 76!

If you win Powerball, why bother contributing to someone else’s campaign? You’ll have enough money to buy yourself a Senate seat, at least in a low-population state like Delaware or Montana.

“Mikhail Prokhorov” is Russian for Ted Stepien.

Jerry thinks Rupert is a real FOX.

It will be interesting to see how low a rating the championship game gets if it’s an early Alabama blowout.

Pork rinds, too. And circus peanuts.

I defies my imagination that DWS wasn’t shown the door the day after the 2014 midterm election, which left the Democrats with the fewest seats in the House since the raccoon-coat era.

Second that, emphatically. Two years ago, my wife and I were notified that our perfectly-good health-insurance plan was going to be canceled.

It’s safe to say that this wouldn’t happen on Sports Jeopardy.

Fun fact: The final decision to disconnect Flint from the Detroit water system was made by then-Emergency Manager Darnell Earley who was appointed by Governor Rick Snyder. Earley is currently running Detroit Public Schools as EM.

It could have been worse. The usher could have demanded that the lady produce a ticket for the cat or prove that it was less than two years old—same rule that applies to kids.

Game over. You win.

The “Constitution” that these guys worship isn’t the actual Constitution taught in actual law schools by actual professors. Theirs is the fantasy-camp version in which the federal government is illegitimate, the county sheriff is the highest-ranking public official, and self-styled militias keep order.

And the presidential primaries continue apace. Only 309 days until our shared national misery is over.

Counterpoint: Katie Notopoulos of Buzzfeed.com, with the 20 All-Time Worst TED Talks.

Motivational speakers have been a cultural plague going back to 19th century America. Buzzwords and technology have changed over the years, but the business model remains the same.

The irony. For years, Jeb! was referred to as “the smart one.”

Mother Nature played a big prank on us last night. For the first time since recordkeeping began, a tornado touched down in Michigan—two miles from our home. What makes this storm even weirder is that it developed out a line of showers, not thunderstorms.