...and trying to bargain his way into the table ("I'll just sit here until they come! It'll be fine!").

This dance video is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly.

Yes because there are no identifying factors in these texts. It's really unlikely that anyone will be doxxed because of this. Are you even serious right now?

Between the hours of 9PM to 11PM work for me . . .

I literally can't fuck a guy who uses the wrong 'your.' Not unlike a legitimate rape, my body just has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

God, after reading this fuckery...

Bruh, wtf? Balls in your court, lol, haha, cute face...

This woman and I have very different priorities. Mine is basically to avoid the hell of bra shopping as much as humanly possible. Hers is to look at the 9th circle of hell, bra shopping, and say, "How can I make this even harder?"

I'm going with "not real." I admit I don't really know plastic surgery works, but there's like not enough skin between boobs to accommodate a (relatively) big implant, much less make it look like an actual boob. Right?

By a girl who looks like a muppet. Seriously.

Final Exam

"Exxxtra Exxxtra, read all about clit!"

Am I a bad person because I laughed like hell at this one? I mean, just at the idea that they made them sit on newspapers while watching lesbian porn, not at the fact that they used dyke as an insult and threw them out. I mean, it's awful, of course.

That newspaper thing tho.

Under Kira's supervision, according to the source, pledges in the incoming class were called names, berated for their perceived physical flaws and imperfections, and made to perform physical tasks to the point of bruising and exhaustion.

A recent graduate who attended Hofstra at the same time as Kazantsev told Jezebel that the final two steps of pledging in one (unnamed) sorority involved making all of the pledges remove their underwear and sit on newspapers while the older members forced them to watch lesbian porn. Anyone whose newspaper stuck to…

A 3.6 GPA while majoring in three fluffy joke majors at a joke college that's for kids with more money than brains? Yeah. That's not an impressive resume at all.

Because this post shouldn't run without this virtuoso bit from last night's LWT: