This is more of a commiseration than anything remotely helpful. My husband and I have the same issue with prioritizing. It's frustrating.

My partner and I decided to do a big spring clean and KonMarie our life. %$()Q#%Q(#_%#~! So far, yes, a lot of stuff has gone...but GAAAAARRRRRHH!!!

I'm obsessed with this series. Genius.

Our Easter Basset at 8 weeks and 9 pounds. We love her so much!

It might be weird, but I sometimes make decisions based on what I think I'll regret on my deathbed. Will I regret eating this doughnut on my deathbed? Probs no, into my gob it goes. Will I regret not taking the chance to go on an impromptu road trip with my friend? Probs yes - off we go!

I think my friend is being catfished. She's talking to a guy she met online and he's from London. He has recently been hinting on needing money for his visa and when my friend tells me this, it just doesn't seem right. She's caught feelings and she's in deep. No, they've never video-chatted. Should I invite her over…

Ooh I've taken some doozies of flights and my advice is to take a coloring book + crayons. You get to a point where you're so exhausted, but you couldn't possibly comprehend anything you read and your eyes get sore from watching movies. Coloring is a great way to relax.

download as many movies/books/music as you can to your devices- invest in a good pair of sound blocking earphones ( even if you are not listening to music these are handy for avoiding ambient cabin noise and chatty neighbours) and a good lightblocking eye mask, wear comfy clothes, bring face spritz or lotion and chap…

I keep getting called by pro-life organizations, so I've started donating $5 to Planned Parenthood every time they call me. :)

I went to a private high school that had a boarding program. My freshman year they held some fancy golf tournament at one of the fancy golf clubs in the fancy area, and Tiger Woods was playing, so it created a shitstorm of fancy traffic that caused many of the day students to have difficulties getting to the school on…

excuses i've heard for trying to get away with not paying for a lap dance:

I'm having a ragestroke just thinking about your situation. If anyone ever said this to me, in the place that they also live, I would probably murder them. How have you not murdered him???

I once called in to work because my sweater was covered in human excrement. My boss called bullshit.

She was very surprised when I showed up and - lo! - the San Francisco MUNI and its delightful population of crazies had, in fact, throw feces at me that morning.

(She gave me an hour off to go home and change, but made…

"Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."

A kid who was late to my class once said that he was helping someone out of a burning building. I laughed and told him to take a seat. You have to begrudgingly admire someone with the chutzpah to try to pull off such a dumb and blatantly made up excuse.

Real conversation from about 4 years ago, between me and my husband who was supposed to have quit smoking:

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

My husband's excuse for not putting away the dishes out of the dishwasher: "I don't know where they go."

"I hurt my back wearing a kilt."