Chargers’ Inactives:

I’m just (not at all) stunned that Shaun White is a complete douchebag

Yeah that would be a stretch.

The water was “confused.”

Pay him no mind, he’s just salty because we own the moon, and he lives in a country that has flying poisonous crocodiles and no moon ownership.

“That toughness comes in handy in a place like North Dakota. You see, up there, jamming your numb fingers against someone’s ice-cold helmet happens every practice. Getting decked on the cement-like dirt is just how a play ends.”

That’s ridiculous. An AL team would never sacrifice bundt.

That explains Buster Poseys slide.

You don’t think that’s how he always does it? Or does he normally cry after?

Delladova getting his dick punches ready for the medal rounds

Mustard is of the gods. Fuck you, Peter King.

The Superdome opened in 1975 (despite being renovated not that long ago for reasons I can’t remember)

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool...

Spending $300 on Halloween decorations instead of getting your TV repaired is the right decision if that TV would get Bucs games.

“Somebody please get me the fuck out of [grabs shirt and reads] Cincinnati.”

Does Ronnie Staley call himself “Megatronnie”?!?

Why not both?

And you know what? FUCK DAVID SIMON, TOO. That’s right. I’ve had just about enough of that guy appointing himself Guardian of the Amendments. It was just a TV show, man. You are the rich man’s Nic Pizzolatto. Get the fuck outta my face.

My dread of the Bears segment is now existential.