You guys, today I caved and bought what is essentially Febreze for my dog. I'm so pleased (smells nice!), yet ashamed (perfuming my dog?!).

Why won't it go on sale already?! Ugh.

So with you on all of these. Is it telling that I associate most of this crap with exes who allegedly cared about me?

Oooh! A happy ending! That almost never happens.

Maybe Seal and Heidi just realized we were taking them for granted, and decided to teach us a lesson by pretending not to be the embodiment of love, cuteness, and awesome Halloween costumes.

This is a cat that has Given Up.

So you can save your relationship by selectively ignoring questions and requests? I feel like that's probably the relationship killer, and the nagging is a symptom.

Well, you're right that it's not a huge deal. And if you get your recommended pap smears, you can catch the pre-cancerous cells early and get rid of them.

Seriously. And while I'm a big proponent of safer sex, I just can't with dental dams.

What. The. Fuck.

Seriously. If you hate abortions, you damn well better love comprehensive sex ed, fools.

Nah, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure bystanders are legally absolved in cases of sexual violence in general. I could be wrong about that, though.

Seriously, why did we think those leather/vinyl pants things were a good idea? Especially the shiny trash bag looking ones! Did everyone just walk around with vaginal infections?

This is kind of like a situation in my family. I have a 13-year-old cousin with an 18-year-old "boyfriend" (my aunt: he's a nice guy and all, but he's a pillhead who dropped out of school and smokes too much pot! me: she is 13, dude. Who cares if he's a nice guy?). My cousin is a super troubled kid, unfortunately, and…

FOOD TRUCK! That's the best idea.

I want to get married someday, but the thought of planning a wedding makes my skin crawl. Going to have a kegger instead.

He shall call it Squishy and it shall be his and it shall be his Squishy!

I wish teeth were allowed to be normal-colored again. Damn you, dentistry.

I think she makes a well-reasoned point.

It sort of gives me a hangover to look at it. But the efficiency!