Who wants to see a beautiful woman’s breasts? I’d wager most heterosexual and bisexual males and most homosexual and bisexual females?

So... uh... who thought booking a crossover classical/pop singer on a show discussing the war in Syria was a good plan?

Hmmm... I wonder if there was a final sentence in my post which very explicitly said, “I’m not saying she has no right to say and do this, it’s just quite the 180...”

Wait, this is the same Helen Mirren who was still flashing the cameras as recently as last year? And I don’t mean in a movie, I mean just when going about things in her daily life?

Not squash it if you don’t want more cockroaches.

The only leashes I have ever had fail on me are the retractable ones and they usually just fail by no longer retracting.

Never squish a cockroach. It releases pheromones that attract more cockroaches. The only way to deal with cockroaches is borax-based poison.

I know I’m saying this when my own story was about spiders, but spiders aren’t insects, Madeleine.

No, I don’t know why everyone won’t just tell you. Bacha bazi is a catchall term for pedophilia, mostly men with boys, which is endorsed by certain cultures in Afghanistan.

Oh man, a couple of weeks ago I was walking in the garage barefoot and there was a wasp ON THE FLOOR that stung the UNDERSIDE of my toe. I’ve never had a sting hurt so much. What the fuck are were you doing on the floor, wasp? YOU HAVE WINGS!

I spent two years living in a rented house with a dead tree looming over it full of bees. We were just waiting for tree/bee death.

I “adopted” a cute little jumping spider that used to live in an office I used to rent. I named him Mr. Jibbles because he liked to hang out on my JBL speakers. I got a free digital camera (my first one ever!) when I bought a copy of Windows XP and I used it to create my first ever blog. All about Mr. Jibbles. I…

I had a room in the basement of my parents’ house when I was a teenager. It was a finished room, but most of the rest of the basement wasn’t, so it attracted its share of creepy crawlies... but nothing compared to the night I woke up to feel something tickling my face, turned on the light, and saw THOUSANDS OF BABY…

I’m not sure what that means. You never want credit for anything?

I am so glad it is not generally fashionable for men to wear eyeliner, because just the thought of putting something that pointy near my eye makes me shudder. I don’t know how anyone who does wear eyeliner can do it... but then I don’t know how anyone who wears contact lenses can do that either... It’s your eye! How…

E! describes her as a “demented Taylor Swift,”

Good. We’re both in agreement that you’re racist scum. Enjoy your wine. Be sure to say hi to your klan buddies for me.

Hope you don’t run into any scary laughing black ladies while you’re there just in case their blackness gets stuck to you when they laugh it out of themselves.

That’s highly plausible.

Comedy is very hard, but it’s admirable that you are so determined to try it anyway despite being so appallingly bad at it.