Oh my god I just noticed the sinking Jezebel at the top. That is fucking fantastic.

Old Rose gets caught trying to throw the necklace overboard. She chats with Bill Whichever one he is, he holds the necklace, and then Old Rose throws it over her shoulder like a fucking asshole.

I keep reading “Kara’s fine!” with Jennifer Aniston’s voice.

Now Benefit is probably going to release a special edition My Brows Will Go On kit.

May I suggest breaking up the 3 way with Chip and Joanna and consider a relationship with Nicole Curtis? She does amazing things with old houses in Detroit and Minneapolis, drives a cool Chevy truck and loves dogs.

typical ambush journalism by the vile lib media smdh

How many celebrities are going to announce their splits under the cover of the Kim/Kanye/Taylor cloud?

yes. this needs to be at the top to stop all the “what’s wrong with those pictures?” comments.

I def don’t have friends doing anything this romantic if that’s what u mean

Well it began several million years ago when Tilda emerged, fully formed, from the Great Ocean and stepped onto the muddy shores of East Pangea...

anna, if you do hear from desiree, please let her know that there are quite a few jezzies who want to help by starting a gofundme page for her legal fees if that’s something she’d be interested in.

You guys like doing this in the comments of stories like this, and while I appreciate your ideological purity, I don’t legally get to call things rape when no one is, as yet, being charged with rape. The woman involved has said the encounters were consensual — although we can argue about that too, because, my God,…

fuck off

GOD SPENCER STOP SAYING THINGS I AGREE WITH I HATE YOU UGH.

There once was a girl from Nantucket
with talent as deep as a bucket.
She tried to “sound black”
and wrote songs like a hack
so they gave her a Grammy when they should have said “Fuck it.”

I found this online yesterday and it also completely delighted me.

I bet he never throws rocks at cars again.

i’m becoming more of a lucille with each passing day