FP, you’ve been vetted for the “Gawker Media Commenter Safe List”. Don’t stop driving now.

*mating dance.

So srsly, when are you picking me up?

WHAT?!?!! That’s me right now! That’s my seduction face.

It’s been 5 pm here since 12 pm.

Good Vodka is such a fucking joke. I mean there is bad vodka. But there isn’t good vodka. It’s just less bad.

I just hope you are as turned on as me. And I haven’t even started drinking vodka yet.

Yeah, I kind of thought that was the point of all vodka. It’s not like it has flavor.

My internet crushes give me so much life.

It is night and day for me. And I rec the shit out of this lube. Yes. It is AWESOME. For me (luckily) most sexual discomfort can be avoided by seriously soaking myself with lube, regardless of my natural production. It just makes everything better. Good luck!

I don’t think you’ll need a stronger vibrator as time goes on

Have you tried using lube. Lots of lube?

I’m all in as well. A Clueless Musical. What is not to like about that?

Why does this not have ALLL THE STARS!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

You can save that sweet talk for some other chick buddy.

THIS is why you are the fucking worst!

You know I don’t really think you are the worst right? I can say that here, since none of my twitter friends will see it.

You want me to put it right here? I’ll embed it for you. So that everyone will know that THIS IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meh, IDK if my husband would be too happy with me. Also “don’t shit where you eat” yadda yadda yadda. That’s a sex metaphor, right?