Hmmm... This isn’t quite a humblebrag, but it seems pretty close...

I live in the heart of Brooklyn. It can take me about an hour to get to some frequented parts of Manhattan or hipper parts of my borough. Dating has never posed a problem for me.

All of those human crimes.

My dislike of the song aside (I’m not its target audience, so obviously I wouldn’t like it), the lyrics are just rubbish. It reinforces that a woman’s life should and does revolve around landing a man, and marriage is the only thing that can legitimize a woman.

That was hilarious!

I remember seeing an interview with him, and he stated Cheap Trick was his main influence as a kid. He made no bones about it, nor did he make it seem like it was just the fancy of a child.

“Billy, Suzie, come here. We want to let you know these bruises are from some serious fucking we do. Mommy and Daddy like rough fucking. Here, watch this PornHub video with us, to get an idea of what kind of hardcore we’re into. Of course, daddy’s cock isn’t quite as big as the star’s, and mommy’s tits are smaller and…

Dating in a big city - Vancouver, NYC, LA, etc - is incredibly easy, and those who say its difficult aren’t putting in the time or are confused by what they want.

Yeah, but most friends disappear when they marry and have kids. I’ve lost really good friends to that curse. It tapers off when they find the one the really like. Things are pretty distant the minute they say their vows. No word once they start squirting out kids.

Oh, my apologies, then.

Maybe you don’t, but I give every new record I get a thorough going over. I even do it to my old one (I give them at least a wipe down before playing)

You can’t have a hidden track on vinyl. I mean, unless you’re literally blind and can’t see the grooves.

Lawrence Welk

I was 16 or 17, and I was equally as blown away. Before opening my yap today, I looked it up on YouTube.

Secret tracks only really existed on CDs.

A song from 79 can’t be hidden. I might be wrong, but if you have a vinyl record, it’s basically on display. Right?

On the other hand, “secret songs” were always crap. STP, Cracker, Green Day, Tool.

I’m not afraid to be sans clothes. I go to the gym. I go to Korean spas. I’m neither afraid, nor embarrassed.

Masturbating in the park behind the wheel of your ‘76 Corvette Stingray is not the same as getting “action.”

Ah, I see - you’re one of those guys who goes home and has a huge wank after showing your withered goods at the gym. All while thinking “I totally dominated that dude. He was so dominated.” Then you have dinner with your wife.