This is the correct take. 

Girlfriend is vegan.

If you can find a place that has it, order an Impossible Burger. More places are getting it/making knock offs. It is the best vegan burger you can have hands down.

To get Wes Anderson you have to realize that most, if not all of popular fiction deals with the lives of rich people. Wes Anderson is the best at stylizing privilege with great set and costume design. Other than that, he’s just a rich kid with access to famous friends making mediocre movies about rich people problems. …

Yoga is only female dominated in America because it was marketed to rich white women when it came here. 

What isn’t a joke are the ticket prices. $38?! 

There’s two things to do to bugs to make them taste good: batter and deep fry or roll in spices and bbq. 

I love it. I hope this becomes a thing

Just in time for Trebek to retire

No one can suck the energy out of a room like Hilary Clinton

You see, there is no such thing as a vodka martini—martinis are made with gin

Over Surf Wax America? 

I was like most people, I hated Guy Fieri. But with his recent feeding of the people affected by the California wild fires and my realization that nobody was waxing romantic on a no-where diner’s take on a quesadilla (they added meat!), I came around.

I wonder if Guinness is going to start chasing craft styles more often. It would be fuckin’ crazy if I saw a Guinness Berliner Weiss or a double dry hopped IPA. 

The arguments from centerist Dems is that we need people like Bob Menendez and Heidi Heitkamp because we can’t possibly get something better than pro-corporate milquetoast backstabbers willing to fuck everybody else in their party over to capitulate to Reaganite Baby Boomers. 

Ugh. Why even bother contributing if your go-to word is ‘butthurt’? Do us all a favor and just take a shit on your keyboard. It will have the same effect. 

Hamilton I was hoping you were going to talk to the 20 and 30 year old Deadheads on meth and who, for whatever reason, have dogs and hang out and sleep near Frenchman Street.

When you have to deal with a person who lies so brazenly you grasp at whatever you think is going to save your ass. Imagine working for someone who does not remember what they said ten minutes ago and constantly changes positions to whoever they talk to so they can look good to everybody. Imagine working for someone…

Next you’re gonna tell me that bedrooms aren’t where the magic happens. 

Train beers are a way of life