This is the darkest timeline

Prolly help reduce ref brutality.

Wide deceiver???

Sounds like my ex wife!!!

I broke my arm when I was 13. When they took off the cast, my tendons had healed a little too tight. I found out that I could throw a baseball incredibly fast. I got signed to a major league team and did really well closing out games. I eventually reinjured my arm later in the season and had to retire. But I’ll always…

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

you’ll be ready for the Maple Leafs to suck for the 10th season in a row

Philadelphia fans can attest to the fact that Eagles can take your Spirit away.

Can’t

That’s one of the things that’s been bugging us.

Mongolian Beef

I am sorry I became the big bad Pissboy. I am now the Swimmin’ Prince and the big bad Pissboy for I have brought my body’s water onto the land in a shameful way. In the water land where I live, one must only smile and relax and allow the piss to flow from within. We live in the piss pools and we die in the piss pools.…

Did Lochte lie or just shade the truth? The story on deadspin published last night seems to be the most accurate and comprehensive order of events.

4 piss ass drunk swimmers vandalize a gas station at 6am. Security comes up and demands compensation speaking a foreign language and a gun may or may not have been drawn.

In…

Urinetrouble

With the Ak Bars hosting, I think the goalie should've known it was a trap.

Oh great, jellyfish have learned how to post internet comments.

This is the least fun thing anyone has ever said.

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

Wyh this now, Dwyane?

Well, duh. Where there are balls, there’s usually an asshole nearby.