This might be a crazy thought, but I’ve felt for awhile now that if you’re in Congress it should be illegal to have any other revenue streams. $174,000/yr is a damn nice salary, plus they should be in it to serve their country, not to enrich themselves, which is what we have currently. 

“Whoa-ho-ho there Cool Ted, save some pussy for the rest of us.”

Sorry Ted, the bootleg Morpheus look doesn’t make you the one.

I spent way too much time on this.

Must be... the knowledge that deep down, he knows... He is the Zodiac killer.

Poor Ted, he just wants senpai to notice him.

I mean after Beto went all “Leave Cruz alone!” It’s only natural for the guy to look up his crush.

It’s the pure evil that has corrupted his soul into an ugly monstrous thing.

After he loses, Sad Cruz and Sad Jeb can go on their road trip over the Grand Canyon together.

Yeah. I want to say to her “Are you really THAT desperate to get married?” I mean, sadly, some people are. They’d rather be with a piece of shit than be alone.

She already knows and doesn’t care. So I guess we can only hope they don’t breed.

to date a 30-year-old who you merely describe as “a softer beauty.”

Whenever anyone says “I could have anyone I wanted” you know they are delusional and you should very very quickly run very far away.

dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity