Heh heh. You said "behind."

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

EXCUSE ME, I AM WEARING DIOR.

Closely followed by anything involving Aukerman and Tompkins

No, see, he totally did!

I've created a helpful chart for Walter.

*shrug* Some women (myself included) have small waists and large butts and thighs. I think Sir Mixalot might even have mentioned something about that way back in the early 90s.

Quelle roughage!

I was working at a chain steakhouse in a large city in the midwest. There was a family of five that came in every Sunday for lunch. Each one of them needed two salad bowls full of ranch. They put it on everything: the bread, the salad, the entree, the sides. They would even mix it in with their sweet tea."

To steal what someone else said on another message board: Technically, suicide is a selfish act. However, people who are clinically depressed to the point where they're seriously considering suicide aren't capable of thinking rationally about such things.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

I am always petrified that I am going to say "fuck you" instead of "thank you" to clients I don't care for.

If the kid is old enough to unhook mommy's bra, he's too old to breastfeed.

I would never mix breast milk and Sprite. Mountain Dew is the only soda that goes with breast milk. Everybody knows that.

The last thing I want to do is give this giant and troubling waste of our goddamn time the acknowledgment that is clearly so desperately craved. But the fact that I must suppress my pride and bring attention to this in a plea for support from my own employer makes it all the more ridiculous.

Are those approval ratings considered reliable? I wasn't under the impression that most citizens were especially comfortable criticizing Putin.

"our 10 oz. filet Mignon, cooked "Extra, extra, EXTRA well-done"

"Hmm.. the special of the day is a B.L.T., you say? That sounds pretty good. Reminds me, my father always used to make a B.L.T. sandwich for lunch. I can still picture him standing over the sink in the kitchen eating one. If my father is somehow the one in the kitchen cooking these sandwiches YOU TELL THAT SON OF…

Psh, when I get 100 balls for my birthday everyone just slut-shames me :(