It’s going to cost Lochte tens and tens of dollars to bribe his way out of this.

Dear Members of the Bills Mafia:

Actually, since I’m literate, it should be obvious I don’t “read” the NY Post.

A bronzed god with silver hair issues forth a golden shower.

Lochte spent his whole life putting on a false front and pretending to be dense just in case a situation like this ever arose. It’s all some The Usual Suspects-level shit.

We all know how this ends, right?

Ogita will get his own game show in Japan, where each week he faces a new challenger to see who can better knock over objects with his penis. Just ask Kotaku.

I love that the river that runs through MayonnaiseLand is actually named White River.

Definitely. We’ll probably never know the truth, but I’m tempted to put it all on “wallet stolen by prostitute”.

Screw this. I got other stuff to do. To complete the joke, just remember a picture of all the empty seats in any arena and hope Univision dumps some capital into Kinja.

Kinjammed!

Absolutely worst of all, Hickey sold the tickets to ghosts.

I vill you zo hart punch, your teeth vill after Blitz like London’s skyline look.

More stars, no bars.

Mmmmmm...delicious...a salty cracker.

If General William Tecumseh Sherman would have done a better job, we wouldn’t have to witness this yearly March to Seven and Nine.

I turned it on this morning while I was working. They were showing the women’s 110 heats and the men’s triple. I swear they showed the first two American jumps, and then nothing but hurdles until they announced the winners of the triple.

No, she didn’t. But she went out of her lane after the finish line, which isn’t the greatest racing etiquette, but legal.

Outpouring of internet rage over Miller’s “controversial” win = need for explanation.