We still have a button?

If anything has ever deserved a GIF that is it.

Kinda. It’s also like some dumb teenager who thinks he’s cool because he has a set of nunchucks.

I love the GOP. Love ‘em. Because you know goddamned well that braintrust figures the main selling point of Cuban is that he’s on Shark Tank.

But you had the will to go buy that wine.

I’m saying luck’s the easy answer for people born with a leg up to rationalize their success.

I’m actually not sure whether the “it” in your first sentence refers to will or luck, but I’ll agree that they both change you. In a way, you have to have the will to wait for luck.

Ah, but you can’t discount will. The bootstraps argument is garbage on par with Marie Antoinette’s cake, but enough will can partially make up for bad luck.

O, why should wrath be mute and fury dumb?

Well, Pennsylvania likes to be weird.

Exactly.

It’s, uh, interesting. It’s not completely terrible, at least.

Have you heard any of the Axl/DC stuff yet?

I’m so damned contrarian, and I just can’t help it. For the past week, I’ve been inundated with speeches and essays about luck (and not just today’s bit on Deadspin.) I don’t know why; maybe it’s just bad luck, but it feels like the world has turned into one long, excruciating Ted Talk.

After the Billy Goat and Steve Bartman, you’d think Cubs fans would have learned to sit motionless for fear of provoking the gods.

The new Nike Air Porn functions as superior footwear for all your porn-related activities. Whether a top, bottom, or the meat in a love sandwich, you will not be moved, unless you want to be.

With the new Nike Air Porn, you’ll never be out of place in a scene.

I doubt they’d hold their enrollment numbers, though. I went to a private school, and then one of the PSSHE schools for an undergraduate degree. Then I got a graduate degree from one of the Commonwealth universities.

Now imagine a red velvet brothel full of Raiders fans in facepaint and spiked shoulder pads and sex workers dressed in drag as Philip Rivers.

They all have large enrollments, though, by the way.