(ETA: There should be a picture of a Flacco jersey here. Thanks, Kinja.

That was great.

With that breathalyzer, he definitely let out too much air.

Or, in addition to not knowing how to binge drink, they also don’t know to come clean when they’re obviously drunk.

Wow. You really are doing it wrong.

Four beers?

Yeah, Fetterman’s just like Bernie...

Schatz? Crapo? Moran? Blunt? Grassley? Boozman?

Drew, if Madison Smartt Bell winds his way down the street from Goucher and mercilessly heckles you, would you find that horrifying; mostly horrifying and a little amusing; or hilarious?

It’s deeper than that, man. Adolphus Busch of Anheuser-Busch?

9 players. 9 innings. Positions numbered 1 through 9. Most common groudout? 6-3. 6+3? =9. The last, final position out in (far) right (fascist) field? 9.

[There should be a picture of Jay-Z and Armadale as the visual punchline to the second half of that last joke, but Kinja is being very douchey.]

None. And I only drink rainwater and pure grain alcohol.

“Cardinals” = 9 letters

+ the continued existence of the NLRB

Dammit Kinja. (Just imagine The Simpsons’ fish.)

Unfortunately pictured, Hiroshima Carp:

Wow.

Prince was always different. But Prince was always Prince.

Don’t get so crotchety. You get to see a future Darwin Award Winner before he’s famous.