Whenever I read the name Shelley Miscavige, I imagine her looking like Shelley Duvall.

im sorry, you dont know fonzworth bentley? puff daddys former umbrella holder? please educate yourself on early 2000s pop culture

Kind of brightened my morning to see Fonzworth back in the news, tbh

Wasn’t he always?

Kendall and Bella stick out like amateur, expressionless sore thumbs.

Fuck you for making me look this up.

Sounds suspiciously like “candlestick salad” - and upright banana with a pineapple ring around the base to help it stay upright, and a maraschino cherry at the top as the flame, with a drizzle of mayo as the melted wax. Again, lettuce just for looks.

Say what you will, his dismantling of the Constitution will be quick and efficient. He managed to attack freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, and freedom of the press all inside of 140 characters.

THANK YOU

I’m sorry but if this movie doesn’t star Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton, then it’s not Beauty & The Beast.

A quick etch-a-sketch shake it off from alllllllllllll of the fears skittering about your brains (I know bc I have been mentally addled from reading too many of these this week - eek!)

Kids are terrifying.

OMG noooooooo. Stop.

Including the ones that didn’t win.

Someone needs to make a compilation of all the good stories in a massive google doc or something.

Have you enjoyed these stories? They aren’t as good as the past few years. I am sure you can do better...just ask that lady sitting in the corner behind you.

Ok, I’ll throw my hat in the ring: my first apartment when I moved to Chicago was in kind of a bad neighborhood. I wound up there partly because I didn’t know the city very well and partly because I couldn’t afford much. The guys in the building next door dealt all kind of drugs including heroin and they were always…

Mariiiiiaaaaaaaa, I just met a ghost named Mariiiiaaaaa

I posted this on the submission thread but I was too late for anyone to read it so here it is again: