Yeah, but maybe kids at Seaview were like “look at Miley, she THINK she look like Hannah Montana, but she don’t. She even talks like her, too. Loser!” 

I rate it as plausible. We all have celebrity doubles. I mean look at Lizzie McGuire. She looked exactly like Italian pop star Isabella EXCEPT Isabella had dark hair.  If Isabella has a loser double, why can’t Hannah Montana?

Bonus points if they pronounce it She-NAHN-igans 

My world is actually bleaker. Oh, I hate mayo, but I also hate ketchup, mustard, and ranch dressing. I have forced myself to eat all of the above over and over, and I cannot make myself eat them. When I found someone else who shared my (dis)tastes, I married her!

I don’t blame her for cheating. There was so much riding on her performance. If she had run it honestly, she would have had to settle for the EXACT SAME MEDAL she got for cheating. And her cheating time would have been so fast that she would have still been shut out of all the overall and age group awards, so…

To see the human Cheeto garbed in jailhouse orange, I would pay all the money.

<shoots arrow at Drew, which bursts into flames harmlessly> Mithrandir! Mithrandir!

How do you steal that much money and the only way you get caught is because you kept records of it on your work computer? Not one bean counter noticed the team was suddenly missing 13.4 MILLION DOLLARS?

She created one job: there’s now a clerk position available 

Hey, white person here. Just popped in to say I’m totally not like tha—Shit! It totally checks out. Despite my wish that it were different, my default mindset, at least at the subconscious level, is that most spaces are white spaces and that black people are out of their element. This sucks, and I hate both that it…

Why isn’t lil Tay in CPS custody and foster care. She clearly doesn’t have adult supervision. A 9 year old child does not need to be about that life

I would boycott Robert DeNiro movies for this inanity, but I just realized I’ve been inadvertently boycotting them for at least 20 years. 

What did people do before the Heimlich maneuver? If someone was choking, did you just look at them and go “Well, it was nice knowing you.”?

I always forget the name of a common acne medicine. While I was typing this, I was struggling to think of it. I can usually (not always) find the generic name adapalene in my memory, but I often have to Google adapalene to get Differen.

Blue lives and ¿Red? lives matter, but they aren’t exceptionally threatened as compared to other lives. We shouldn’t kill cops or firemen, just like we shouldn’t kill other people. Blue and Red lives don’t need special protection, just the regular protection.

I think the title of her book should be “Black When I Didn’t Have To Be: The Racial Heroism Of Rachel Sojourner Tubman Dolezal”.

Detroit? Detroit is a decaying zombie corpse of a city shuffling toward oblivion. Flint Michigan literally poisoned its populace and it STILL may not be as bad as Detroit.

So this was the cons vs. the guards game? “I think I broke his freakin’ neck!!! I think I broke his freakin’ neck!!!”

Can someone explain to me why the F it matters to Khloe or Kylie or Tyga, for that matter, that Rob and Blac Chyna are dating? Are they not single, grown-ass adults? Rob can date who he wants.