I don’t know who Lauren Sanchez is really, but I definately agree with her ex- pal, and I would love to have drinks with his ex who is going to be riiiiiiiiiiicccccch and free of her penis-head dork husband. She is the victor in this.

They seem like they might actually defy the odds for celebrity marriages. 

Sauce. She had so much of it.

In retrospect though, it’s troubling to think about how a teenager was so effortlessly sexy and we all accepted it like she was grown. I think the Beyonce comparisons happen because of that and that alone.

“If Your Girl Only Knew” should NOT have been sung and performed in that way by…

You’re not my real dad.

It’s delicious, delicious ass.

I think it would be strange if Kate got down on her knees to cuddle the face of one of the ballet dancers.

Maybe she read Eat, Pray, Love while locked up and got inspired to live her best life. #livelifetothefullest #alwaystravelling #give menature #influencer

Why is Kathy Griffin picking a fight with Don Chea—-

Thank you. DiFi’s opening statement was exactly what it should’ve been: she welcomed the committee’s new members, then laid out her case against the nominee with very specific references to his boneheaded positions on the Mueller case and executive authority.

Former president, future Fox news commentator.

Yeah, it’s called “collegiality”.

I owe Mary a debt of gratitude for singing all my pain and victory. Happy birthday to the realest one.

She probably signed the lease and then never paid a month of rent. In most big cities, it takes six months to legally evict a non-paying tenant. When her time was up, she made up the mold story.

While it is true that turtles evolved from a diapsid ancestor their skulls do not show the fenestra typical of a modern reptilian skull. For this reason they were long classified as anapsids. Jeff Bezos, to the extent his shaved cranium resembles that of a turtle, would be an anapsid-looking diapsid.

My husband says “I’d like to enjoy our marital relations.”

Who wants to fuck someone with egg salad breath?!?

I used to work directly across the street from the building I lived in and at the time my partner and I had somehow gotten into the habit of using ridiculous food euphemisms for sex. One day I was at work and got a message that said “If you come home right now, we can have egg salad sandwiches” so I dipped out of a…

Wait.

how do people not realize shes being sarcastic? also it was the 90s. it was like the HandMaiden’s Tale back then, she still wanted to have a career so she couldn’t just call him a creepy rapist. Also its a lot more hidden shade than any other women were able to get printed in national news. Look how much Paltrow…

As I black man I just use warm water, coco butter, and pray to Oprah things will work out with my credit.