1) As the groom; Be willing to check in and put your foot down! At my first wedding, I didn’t give a shit, and just let my fiance and her family go nuts. I trusted that they’d take care of the details and things would go smoothly. I picked a lovely small venue and found the officiant. My future in laws purchased the…

“What’s the one thing you regret doing for your wedding day?”

Or... don’t waste money on a ridiculous ceremony only a handful of people really want to endure. Get your paper at the court house and enjoy a better honeymoon with the money you save...

My city will be getting municipal fiber soon. I will be switching once it is available.

On the flip side: around that age, I saw an billboard for a unisex hair salon. I asked my mom how they were allowed to put a bad word on a billboard. I thought the word “sex” was a curse word, because all I knew was that it was something bad and shameful.

In other news today, someone tried to teach the president the difference between his ass and his elbow.

What?! Are you suggesting we can just celebrate our mothers willy-nilly any time of the year just because they’re kinda awesome?! That is madness. There are rules!

...

I love that soup. That and caldo gallego.

‘It’s Not a Fucking Accident’

Panda Express is good but PEI WEI FOR THE WIN

Same - we also tend to wait until after xmas and hit the boxing day/new year’s sales.

We take it a step further: wife, parents, and I all agreed to not gift anything to each other. We call it the Treaty of 2014.

Alternatively, ban movies and make every movie a miniseries instead (with hour-long episodes, of course).

Since a couple years ago when I did a brisket for Thanksgiving, it’s been the requested main ever since - except for last year, when I smoked a turkey.

My family generally has 2-3 “Thanksgivings” every year (the joys of being married and a divorced set of parents). BBQ has been a welcome alternative to the straight up…

skip the mayo and add cream cheese instead

I’ve told this story before and forgive me, will tell it to the day I die. I double finger saluted Pence a few weeks after the election as I stood all by my lonesome on a corner waiting for his Motorcade of Assholery to pass me by so I could finish a run. IT FELT SO GOOD. Now I wish I had mooned him. Mother was with…

A whole new woooooooooooooorrrrrrrlllllllllld

(Also no day is a bad day if it starts with sex).

That would make a cool band name.