I tend to go for lights or kitchen gadgets. Go in the front, and cut through right to the area by the checkouts. I can get exactly what I need and then leave.

I’m ready for anything that isn’t “pumpkin spice” - or as a coworker once called it - middle America seasonal white girl crack.

A friend of mine had a little boy with absolutely no impulse control. She was constantly talking to him about not talking saying things like, “Wow! That woman in front of us is so fat!” while they were at the grocery store. When she finally thought she had it under control, he started making backup beeper sounds when…

People can be creepy, and not always the owners. I used to manage an AirBnB rental home for a friend that lived on the other side of the country. People would mess with things just because they could. One week long rental turned out to be a frat party. They left the place so dirty that it took 2 full days to clean it.…

My daughter in law acts this way with her daughter. She leads her from one subject to another, teaching her little bits and pieces along the way. She’s not quite 4, but she’s bilingual and has an amazing vocabulary. If she doesn’t grasp something, her mother moves on to something else and finds another way to work it…

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I want my Dr to be honest with me about my health. If my weight isn’t healthy, I want to know it. I don’t want the Dr to tiptoe around the issue because it might hurt my delicate little feelings - of which I have none. If the Dr tells you that you’re overweight and it hurts your…

You lost me at bologna. I have childhood memories of that foul stuff that I would rather not remember. Bring some Canadian bacon and we can talk.

You mean how either Hillary Clinton is the most prolific serial killer of our time, or all those children in the pizza shop basement being shipped off to the moon, or Mars? I can never remember which. Reading all the propaganda online is like diagnosing yourself with brain cancer because you watched a YouTube video.

I’ve found that doing a clean install on ever other, or every third major version helps keep things running better, and if you beta test, then do a clean install on the final release version. There seems to be too much legacy crap and debugging code left behind and things eventually get strange.

His body looks like the canvas of a back alley tattoo artist.... the kind you go to on a drunken bender after your girlfriend kicked you to the curb for not taking a shower for 6 months. Trailer Park Chic with a dash of cocaine.

Apples & Oranges

Anytime someone brings up liver, I think of an afternoon we sat around reading Portnoy’s Complaint out loud.

Our neighbor had one when we were kids. No one ever broke anything, and no one got hurt. No net, no spring covers, etc. Know your kids. If they think they are invincible, someone is probably going to get hurt. We played with yard darts and no one died either.

Take a small pillow for your back, even on shorter flights. Some of the airlines, American in particular, have been replacing their seats with thinner versions so they can cram an extra few rows of seats in. They are horribly uncomfortable and if they hurt after 3 or 4 hours, imagine the pain you’re going to be in afte…

I’ve had a few. One in particular was just evil. We had an enterprise software package that was full of bugs. People would scream functionality, he would scream at us for solutions. We told him we needed to upgrade. No upgrades - they cost money. People would scream about functionality - rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. E…

Ambien, as long as you know how you react to it first. My Dr gave me a Xanax to take on a flight to Europe. My heart pounded for about 4 hours after taking it. I won’t be doing that again.

I’m just going to leave this here.

I had mine out at 16. My orthodontist had removed my upper and lower canines to make room for braces. Turns out that once the braces had done their work, I had plenty of room for the wisdom teeth. I should have just had the wisdom teeth taken out first. The fangs were kind of fun.

A centerpiece can be so much fun, especially if they have candles in them. Put the silk flowers at the tables of those you don’t like, and when the candles burn down low enough, the centerpiece goes up in flames. People scatter like rats, or throw water on it. Someone gets soaked, they have to leave, it’s just…

Never ask a friend to do something you can easily do yourself.