Wow - I'm very surprised but happy to have been of help! Maybe you could also do what some have suggested elsewhere and since you're losing your name in the process maybe you can lay claim to first or middle name privileges? Like, children's middle names come from your side of the family since their last name will be…

My guess is that most of them would prefer to pass their own names to their children but end up conceding on that for any of a multitude of reasons.

I’m unlikely to get married or have children, but if I do I’ll be keeping my name and it will be passed down to my children. This is non-negotiable. This is one of the…

Cool, was just curious. It seems that lots of people capitulate to woman takes mans name for sake of unity without ever once considering the reverse. Everyone should do what they wanna do and think is best, obviously, I'm always just curious if that option was even on the table.

How is that not self evident, though? That when we say that we don't like patriarchal naming systems so we're going to keep our own names, that stops the patriarchal cycle even though that's how we got our names? Because that's what you originally said... that keeping our names still perpetuates patriarchy because…

Did he at any point consider taking yours for the sake of family unity?

Yes, it was, but it stops the cycle if I keep my name and pass it to my children.

Actually, it is still true that women still tend to be the primary care takers more than men. It's becoming more common for fathers to be primary or equal care takers of young children, but it is far from the norm. Division of household/familial labor is still very unequal

Why was it important to him?

In your situation I'd give the kids her last name. Why not? It's simpler. Hyphenated names blow, you have the option of a non-hyphenated name, and the only thing holding you back from that is that people might be dicks about it?

Why do his and his families feelings about her name matter more than hers?

May I ask why you're a proponent of the wife taking the husband's last name?

May I ask why it was something you cared about?

This would be my guess. It's a concession, not a change of heart.

That is not what she said. She said women traditionally do most of the child rearing. This is a fact.

Thanks for this. I think people serious overestimate how much of an issue this will be.

The fact that it was "the future mr and mrs x " to me indicates a spiteful element. They aren't married yet, it should have been mr x and ms/miss y.

Okay but the only way to break that cycle is to keep your name. You aren't perpetuating patriarchal cycles by keeping your own name even if it did come from your father because it's still yours, just as much as it's his.

Has he at any point considered taking your name instead? Curious, not intending to be accusatory or insinuate anything.

Did you at any point consider taking her name instead? Not asking to be accusatory, just curious.

My name is *my name.* It may have come from my father instead of my mother, but it is still mine. It is mine just as much as my hypothetical future husband's name is his. I hate that argument.