As a kid, I hated “maybe.” But as a parent, I am the Queen of Maybe. Also “We’ll See,” “I’m Not Sure,” “Perhaps,” and “Ask Me Later.” I have many realms in my empire. And all of them are designed to put off any decision until my child forgets about the ridiculous thing he or she wants to buy that we either cannot…

I just read that article and these paragraphs really jumped out at me:

I love that everyone is excited for May 19th because its my birthday. I know its not for me but I can pretend.

Voter fraud only matters when it’s Mexicans voting Democrat.

I don’t mean to thread-jack...but since we’re on this subject...a town in Oregon is currently under fire for forcing lgbtq kids to read the bible as punishment, in a public high school. Sometimes while being supervised by a school resource officer.

Proving, that if you let these people bring their god into public…

My large corporate bank certainly wouldn’t fire you for having those views but they might if you were dumb enough to spout them off at work, especially to a LGBTQ employee. I think when large employers with socially liberal employment policies are located in more rural parts of America, it helps push progress. If you…

Clover, can you please save the Paris Agreement next?

You can always come back home if you want. But getting out of small town should be a right of passage for young queer people

*gasp* the name of OUR sex tape!

“Saved by Hulu,” the name of your sex tape.

I actually love it when people like Cheney show up in the media again. It gives everyone an uncomfortable reminder about the George W Bush Administration and keeps Republicans from pretending we didn’t go straight from Bill Clinton to Obama.

If they hid Bobby while letting Rich roam around unhindered, I will be cross.

When they start using the DNA in discarded condoms to identify and prosecute litterers, let me know.

I miscarried into a toilet. The fetus was just a few weeks old, but I knew from the amount of blood that it happened. I was 15, the pregnancy was from rape, so I didn’t even look as I flushed.

If the first rule of medicine is to do no harm, how the hell is Cheney still alive? You’d think he’d have rotted from inside by now.

“Of my sister I can only say one thing: I have no sister.”

“I’m not sleeping now. I’m in Dallas. I’m wide awake. I’ve handled numerous cases including some sensitive cyber matters. I’m a lot more aware and intelligent than Joe has ever been and a lot more accomplished. Joe hasn’t been knighted by the Queen of England. He hasn’t run a U.S. attorney’s office, much less a city…

I didn’t even get to the second paragraph because I was so distracted by that hot mess Kylie is wearing. What is up with that literal box flap in the back of the dress and that big honking zipper tab hanging out? Oh honey, no.

I’m actually impressed by Blake Lively’s hair change. If I had just been to a gala and someone was like “let’s crimp your hair for the after party” I would be like GTFO