Daveed Diggs’s beard in Hobbes & Me. Amazing.

Yes! I knew that if I just pursued my harebrained schemes with greater conviction they’d be successful! I’m going to go glue smaller birds to larger birds—with great conviction—and wait for people to throw money at me!

You want a political revolution, Bernie? Go back to Congress and do some fucking work.

Are we in the same grad program? Because I have a male classmate who can’t understand why we STILL do women’s history. I mean, we’ve covered every topic by now, right? We can go back to answering the important questions again.

The Hemmingses of Monticello by Annette Gordon-Reed. It won the Pulitzer Prize for History in 2008, I believe.

Kirk and Justin, I hate to break it you, but you’re not theologians. You are fuckboys. Plain and simple.

Instagram careers. *shudder*

Orange asshole calls non-orange asshole an asshole. No, not that orange asshole. The other orange asshole.

Oh God, I saw that picture and thought it said “Steve Martin has passed.” 2016 has clearly broken me. I’m so fragile right now.

Does Jaden Smith have a picture of Martin Luther on his shirt? Or perhaps a 16th-century German burgher? I officially no longer understand youth culture.

Never has my username seemed more appropriate...

So many of my problems as a young biscuit would have been solved if I had realized “oh yeah, I can just break up with him!”

The Republican Party was founded in 1854, not 1844. And abolition wasn’t its sole principle, although abolition certainly became a crucial issue.