There was an Archer episode (from Season 5 I believe?) that had the same premise... only in the Pacific... and with an old Japanese holdout that didn’t know how the war ended... or that the war was over at all.

“Pffft. He’s not being unfairly targeted, this is just more evidence of his immaturity. Maybe if he was less of a spoiled brat worried about dabbing - you know, someone like Tim Tebow - he’d be hit less”

Man should’ve known not to huff while he puffs. Being that loud is how you end up getting caught by the police and/or stuck in the Tiffany Trump of Hogwarts houses

An illiterate* 5-year old from Buffalo spending his birthday at a bar? Color me shocked.

I hear you, but I still respectfully disagree. Here’s my logic behind the whole “injury prone” argument:

+1 space monkey & bar of soap

I wouldn’t trust driving a Ford GT if the only thing holding it together was duct tape, and was one low-level collision away from paralyzing (Romo) from the neck down. Better to keep it as an expensive trophy at this point... though that would suggest Romo won anything in the NFL worthy of hardware

Just follow the chemtrails, you’ll find it

Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of any game characters conveniently named “Mary” when I found myself in this situation a year ago. Ended about as well as you’d expect

4X rewards for buddies? Oh shit, I might finally be able to get myself a Dragonite through cardio!!! Praise Lord Helix

Oh, and that’s in the best-case scenario when the electorate is only concerned with memes and Internet jokes. In reality, we’ll still vote for a polished turd because, after 240 years of this political experiment, we still continue to vote against out interests & choose between two evils that would NEVER work with the…

(hint - I went to where ACC football goes to die)

Still a more promising and entertaining live football experience than my alma mater gave me in my undergrad years

I can’t wait to remind my Jets friends that God is listening to their sob-filled prayers, and that he just doesn’t give a fuck

It means build a wall with the O-Line to keep those strange coloreds away from the rich white guy as he hangs in the pocket looking for a tight end... and claiming he never interacted with said tight ends afterward, and saying those tight ends are dirty liars

I want to agree with all of what you wrote... but I’m almost certain this will lead to a Harambe-Boaty McBoatface ticket winning in a landslide, and I don’t have a damn clue how the ghost of a charming gorilla and a British lifeboat will handle their first 100 days

I mean, that would explain how a 10 year old could carry around Snorlax in his pocket without suffering permanent spinal damage. Still, even if they enjoy the simulated reality inside the ball, it sure sounds like you’re killing & reanimating Pokemon when they are returned & released from Pokeballs... Which would…

My gag reflex kicked in from reading that

I just hope that, like the pumpkins currently on my neighbors’ patios, this hideous, rotten orange growth also gets chucked onto the streets no later than the first week of November before it makes my block reek

That’s fantastic. I feel so much better knowing now that when I finally encounter a Dragonite, it’ll only take half of my inventory’s worth of ultra balls and berries before running away