Fool me once, shame on you.

Actually, the idea of hosting a private party there sounds pretty good if you're looking for a place where the authorities will turn a blind eye to rampant drug use.

Makes sense. We know that he's experienced in various disciplines.

Let me get this straight, some kind-hearted Jaguars fan went out of his way to make sure that this couple didn't have to spend a weekend in Jacksonville and somehow he's the bad guy?

Cop: "Who stabbed you?"

You can't bubble-wrap a quarterback.

If you think this is about shining the light on himself, as opposed to illuminating the farce, that's some weak-ass bullshit.

This is a goddamn outrage. This has NO BUSINESS on my Deadspin page. WHAT IS HE THINKING? Dale, what am I supposed to tell my kids? How am I going to explain this to them? They look at athletes and, yes, umpires, as ROLE MODELS and now you go about taunting this in my face. Dale, it's "Mike and me." It didn't seem…

Never would've expected a guy named Lepore to be a total creep.

I see very little proof.

So, what, you think now he's a 20/10 guy?

"S' okay. The citizens still belong to me."

This is exactly the kind of riveting story I would expect from someone who ends up in Greeley as a destination.

Palmer: "Doctor, will I get my mobility back?"
Doctor: "You'll actually be more mobile than you were before. Check it out..."
Doctor: [hands Palmer keys to a brand new rascal scooter]

Palmer: [signs new binding contract]

"What are you gonna do tonight, Stef?"

Seriously, the Lakers have not been this entertaining since the Shaq years. The Twilight of Kobe is like Kurtz waiting at the end of the Nung River. Carlos Boozer is the water buffalo.

But there's so much useful government-provided information in Pueblo!

And Pueblo isn't exactly on the way home from Kremmling.