What's with all this pumpkin hate? I brewed a pumpkin stout this fall and it was AMAZING. And it was brewed with ACTUAL PUMPKIN. None for you, haters!

By the way, I recently ate pumpkin pie that my friend made out of her recycled jack-o'-lantern and it was so good that my butt fell off.

That would be such an awesome moment! The best part of fucking someone over is letting them know you fucked them.

See, I would have gone with "But when the Daily Show does it, it's actually funny"

Uh, yeah, they put animals in freezers. So do ALL shelters that euthanize animals because people keep going to pet shops and breeders. So do vet clinics. Where do you think they all should go? A cute little pet cemetery? If this angers you, then please never ever let someone you know acquire a companion who doesn't…

When I see or hear Sarah Palin, I find it difficult to keep from projectile vomiting.

Williams is a wonderful fit for the show. She is everything Olivia Munn was supposed to be and wasn't, though I'm glad Munn has found an appropriate role on The Newsroom delivering dialogue as wooden as her acting.

It's easy, the Tina Fey parody's hair doesn't have frosted highlights.

I think that has to be the main reason that so many women were hired! People drop their guard easily towards people they think are inconsequential. Harnessing misogyny!

Whenever I see, or rather hear, Sarah Palin, I find it difficult to distinguish between the Tina Fey parody and the real person.

I can't help but love the story of the "not very bright" woman who just goes ahead and lets the enemy be sexist because it blinds him to how dangerous she actually is.

He would tell me, "I just love talking to you because you're not very bright."

If anyone wrote to an advice column about their elderly relative acting like that, they'd be told to get them to a doctor ASAP.

"Is that Jennifer Lawrence? I heard she got a haircut... I don't know about it. I just don't know..."

I adore him but I cannot get into Dracula. Slogged through two episodes before giving up. Does it get better?

This is actually hilarious. Not even so much the costumes themselves, but VS's tone deaf attempt to court youth consumers. "What do the kids like these days? Smiley faces? Balloons? Clothes that look like optical illusions? GREAT! We'll put them all in."

And exactly what part of ANY of this is supposed to make me want to buy Victorias Secret? (Shhhh the secret is that the bras and panties they sell are terrible quality with often loud and ugly prints!!!!)

Did this poor girl just get whatever was left after the stylists finally passed out after their cocaine binge?

Playboy, before the might of the Internet, defending the last vestiges of its readership from scary technologies.