I’m allowed to read “fuck,” “shit,” and “cocksucker” in any given article on Deadspin. I can read about an NFL security guard masturbating near a line of cheerleaders. I can watch a video of a guy eating a girl’s asshole in a Buffalo parking lot, and watch while a lady gives a man head in the bleachers of FedEx field.

I haven’t seen this much skin miss the hole since I tried to lose my virginity.