So far the only person who appears to be mad is you.

You must be fun at solving the Trolley Problem.

Ok, anonymous moral authority, where’s the line? Pet snake? Goldfish? Guinea Pig? Ant farm?

I mean, we have two different games but equally fun in their own right that is a nice blueprint for the pirate formula:

He isn’t a bad person, it is just that you are a moron.

If I had to choose between you and my dog, I’d save you. But then I’d trip you because I don’t like you.

If your dog saved your life and died doing so, that’s an act of heroism. If you saved your dog’s life but died in the process...well, that seems like a bad choice. 

I guess that depends on your thoughts on the redeemability of any particular human. But I would still never put an animal’s life before the life of a human. No exceptions.

A pet should absolutely not be treated as if it were a human child. That’s insane.

To the folks (or really, the one guy we all knew would be in here screaming about it the moment he got an opportunity) saying, “Don’t blame us for Clinton’s loss. Some voters have morals!”

...I hope your morality helps you sleep at night, knowing that the SCOTUS—as now composed (thanks to two—and possibly…

What really chaps my ass is when they whine, “Ohhh, but we did support Hillary!”

Counterpoint: I fucking kick ass in every way imaginable and, on my worst day, I’m still about a thousand times more awesome than you are on your best. 

I know this will come off cynical, but isn’t it simply because we (rightfully) value human life way more than the lives of animals? My dog is a “member of my family,” but in an emergency she is a second thought to any human life that I could save. The urge to preserve life has a hierarchy, like it or not. And my dog…

Doctors dream of saving as 1/10 as many lives in their entire careers that politicians can save with a stroke of a pen

“Pro-life" only refers to white fetuses. 

Joke’s on us, the American people, because Trump Tower will be deemed a historical site and we’ll be maintaining its’ musty carcass for some time into the future. Trump will definitely return to his tower after his presidency and we’ll keep paying for the Secret Service to camp there as we have been doing.

No need to discharge good seamen so hastily.

Any discipline they may have received has been kept under wraps, although the investigating officer recommended “non-punitive letters of instruction.”